i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
