Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
