I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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