I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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