I got chris browned last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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