Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
