I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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