Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
