So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
