We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
