Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
