I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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