I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need to get me chipped asap
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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