I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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