I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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