i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
