Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
