he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
