i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
