How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
