so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize