I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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