i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
