OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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