what day is it and did you see me today?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize