Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
