I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize