Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just tell him i said nine months
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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