im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just gift wrapped bread.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
