i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
