My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
