you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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