PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
