Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
