well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We left an ass print on the piano.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
