she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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