We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
