i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
