Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
