ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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