My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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