Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
