I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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