the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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