just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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