You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize