So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
