I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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