i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
