All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
