I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is wine microwaveable?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
