We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
