i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's always time for handjobs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
