He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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