why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize