Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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