I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
