you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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