I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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