he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
