I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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