On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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