so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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