covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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