i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
