Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
