You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
