please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize