OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
